At First Sight

Do you believe in love at first sight?

To know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person…

How much time does one person really need to know, this is who I want to be with, this is who I want to spend my free time with… this is who I want to get to know me.

Every time we date we pass judgment in the way they dress, talk and act. But there are sometimes that by even looking at them getting closer, you know this is not the one for you, of course there are times when we are stand corrected. Those rare persons who in their act manage to conquer all, to impress and surprise us with their actions. Do we need those actions to know this is it? Are there times that just a simple glance says it all?

Looking trough a crowded room and spotting that graceful person and you just know… the way your hand shakes when you are close and that simple glance that can make everyone disappear. Of course like Shakespeare once wrote “the course of true love never did run smooth”… when we find those moments when our hearts just want to burst out of our chest to find the other person does not feel the same or things that make it difficult… a difficult path for only those who persevere, its like a test of your love, how much will you do for that love?

Of course there are things that make love stronger, the simple acts of kindness, the simple acts that says it all or just the way they look at your eyes… where they can see no one but you. The things you get to share and the things you talk about… the way you stay connected to that person in a whole new level. All this is important to make something work, determination, perseverance and love. The true desire to conquer you, to protect and be protected… to feel safe with you, to feel at home with you.

I have always believed in true love… in love at first sight. But sometimes I wonder how accurate our perception can be, is it true love even when the other doesn’t feel the same… the hardest test of them all, to let go and see them go free.

I wonder if I have spoted that first sight… I wonder about love. Is there a thing like a mistake in love at first sight?

The people that comes and go…

Everyday we meet new days, new experiences, new challenges and with those people come and go.

Everyday as time goes by people come in and out of our life leaving only a trace… ones leaving a stronger trace, others just a trace as faint as a passing smell.

Have you ever wonder if those people have a message for us, a lesson to be taught.  When I think back of the people that left my life I recall memories, I recall lessons… I recall what they taught me. The purpose one has in someone else life, we don’t know, only those who we left know what we taught them. Through out the course of life we may learn what importance we had in their life… either while we hurt them or by supporting them in their time of need. There are times when we dont realize the change that person had in our life… the impact that was so subtly made.

With time we change, we grow and we move on. We don’t realized the changes that go through in our body and mind and it is not until someone who knew us back when… when those people point them out is when we realized how much we have changed. Change is good, change is bad… it all depends on how you change.

With time people come and go and most of the time I feel they had a purpose in our life and when its done its time to move on. Some stay longer but it doesn’t mean they have something greater to teach us… most of the time we learn more from those huge impact passing people make… by the simple act of kindness from a stranger. Sometimes when people stay longer is because they need us as we need them… for strength and support.

This are some thing that cross my mind when I meet new people, of course I am not seeking those lessons when I meet new people. But after they are gone it gets me wondering how did they left a mark in my brain and heart… how did I left my mark?

Most of the time we dont realize our importance in someones life… in the world. Either great or small we always make an impact.

You have made an impact in my life even if you dont realize it.

Never Give up!… Never Surrender?

Challenges are life inspiring moments, when we get challenged we want to succeed and everything we earn or win becomes so much valuable because of the hardship of just getting to the end. Its like enjoying a warm bath after a day of cleaning, so rewarding.

Life is full of challenges some easier than others, some related to a job… others to love. But there are some that makes us wonder, that even the journey makes us down, makes us sad. Is there such a time to say I give up? A time to simply stop trying?

When you are unsure of the outcomes, unsure of what you are fighting for anymore, unsure if its worth fighting or if you will be fight for. Should you just drop your arms?

The journey is were we learn, where we feel… the finish line is just a moment to reflect. The journey is the important part… the inspiring part where the finish line would be nothing without effort or hard work. And there are times we just feel like dropping to the floor and just stare at the sky, hoping… hoping something will just happen, hoping everything will be better.

I don’t think there is time to give up, to surrender. I will admit sometimes I have thought about it, sometimes I feel weak and more when I don’t have my support group around, my true friends. There are times when I just take a step back to think, to reflect… to look at the window and wonder, to find meaning.

There are times when I believe giving up would be better… or just easier. But what would be the point of having it easy, when we do we forget the value of hard work… we forget the value of what we have. There are times I want to surrender… mostly when I feel lost, when I don’t understand. This are just fears… fears of loosing, fear of not getting what I want or going where I want. Fear of leaving a comfort zone, a safe zone… a known zone. But when we don’t go out of that comfort zone we don’t explore, we don’t experience… we don’t learn to  learn and learn to loose.

I don’t think there is time to give up, no time to surrender. In this life of challenges we must endure, we must never forget that the most wonderful of things are the things we know we love… the things well fought!

An Answer Prayer

How often do you find yourself bargaining with yourself or with a higher life, “If it turns on I will start…” “If I get this I will stop…”

How often do you find yourself praying or wishing or asking…

How often do you ask for a sign… for the light.

In this world we roam we are always trying to find out our path, our destiny or just the best time or life possible. Constantly wondering where are we going, constantly making decisions… question them, regretting and embracing them. Life is full of decisions and we are all scared of making the wrong one… or choosing the less convenient one, we all want to feel like we own our life, to have control. And in times of need we pray, we beg, we ask… we wish. In times of need we find our self asking for a sign to know what to do, what to choose.

We ask for serenity and we ask for patience, we ask about job decisions, about life decisions… about love. Lately I find myself feeling like prayers have been answer, I wanted to know the best decision when choosing a lab, to be turned down of it was not for me… My first choice turned me down but going out of the office of the principal investigator I got offered a position in another lab, another opportunity. I am scared and I wondered but at the end I accepted. Now I had other options, one I didn’t have to think twice when neglecting another I had to think about, but at the end I feel the lab chose me or did I?

In life we pray, we wish, we look… we look for signs and sometimes they are there ever so quiet that we don’t hear them… we just have to close our eyes and listen, close our minds and feel our hearts. We just have to believe because they will always be answered even in ways that we don’t understand… even in ways we don’t want them to be answered.

In life we ask and pray… we wish. We close our eyes and beg, we hope and have faith. This is my reminder not to loose sight, does everything happens for a reason? am I over thinking like I always do? I don’t know… I guess time will tell…  Time always tell.

Until then I pray!

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

“The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions.[1]:1 These preferences were extrapolated from the typological theories originated by Carl Gustav Jung, as published in his 1921 book Psychological Types (English edition, 1923).[2] The original developers of the personality inventory were Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers.”

I had forgotten about this test which the professors of psychology always talked about when talking about Carl Jung, I come out to the test as ENTJ (Extraversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Judgment). Which is said that “ENTJs tend to be self-driven, motivating, and competitive. They are often sought out as leaders. Unusually influential and organized, they may sometimes judge others by their own tough standards, failing to take personal needs into account.” It is funny how the test talk about general ideas of human mind which is why we find our self identified with this, but most of the things are accurate because of the psychological profiles made for each of the 16 categories. But then again how can we break down human mind into 16 categories? of course we are more complicated that this, but in the surface there is some truth about this.

I was reading the profile and it is funny that some of problems are described there like the way people think of me as arrogant:

“ENTJs often excel in business and other areas that require systems analysis, original thinking, and an economically savvy mind. They are dynamic and pragmatic problem solvers. They tend to have a high degree of confidence in their own abilities, making them assertive and outspoken. In their dealings with others, they are generally outgoing, charismatic, fair-minded, and unaffected by conflict or criticism. However, these qualities can make ENTJs appear arrogant, insensitive, and confrontational. They can overwhelm others with their energy, intelligence, and desire to order the world according to their own vision. As a result, they may seem intimidating, hasty, and controlling.”

Also the way people perceived me as emotionless:

“ENTJs tend to cultivate their personal power. They often end up taking charge of a situation that seems (to their mind, at least) to be out of control, or that can otherwise be improved upon and strengthened. They strive to learn new things, which helps them become resourceful problem-solvers. However, since ENTJs rely on provable facts, they may find subjective issues pointless. ENTJs appear to take a tough approach to emotional or personal issues, and so can be viewed as aloof and cold-hearted. In situations requiring feeling and value judgments, ENTJs are well served to seek the advice of a trusted Feeling type.”

If you feel like taking a quick test to determine which of the 16 categories you fit into here is a quick test, just scroll down in the page and you just have to select between the 2 option for each of the four categories

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

If you don’t believe in this, its ok but its a fun way to waste some time or maybe find somethings about yourself.

All the quotations were extracted from Wikipedia.

For more information here are the links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ENTJ

Wondering….

Are you out there… are you reading this?

I wonder about the people who read this blog… I wonder if you read this blog. This blog a piece of my mind, a piece of my wonders, the way I see the world… a piece of my hopes and a piece of my fears.

I wonder if you can feel what I feel… does my words makes you wonder… are my words reaching you, reaching your heart?

I wonder what your thinking when you read this, does it make you do introspection… think of yourself and life? does it make you think of me?

Does it makes you wonder? it sure makes me wonder…

Can you feel it, do you feel it?

The words in my head are always swirling… always active. Does it makes you scare to think of this… does it gives you hope?

So many question for a curious heart… so many questions for a wondering mind.

Are you out there… are you reading this?

Fools in…

Love

Four letter word, I would bet is one of the most spoken topics in books, shows, movies… life.

Knowing people, trying hard. Showing who we are…  when you like, interest or love someone don’t you find yourself doing stuff and later saying “what was I thinking”.

I don’t regret the decisions I have made in my life but sometimes I think I should try less harder. But I find my self being stubborn and saying this is the last time I will try, then I find myself trying… again. I think I just don’t know how to quit or maybe I don’t have self respect. I feel myself feeling like a fool… trying hard and wondering why cant I just read peoples thought, it would be so much easier but then it would get boring… so much boring. I find myself feeling like a fool… when I try, when I pursue something out of reach, something that don’t want to be reach. I find myself feeling like a fool… when I am blinded by feelings, when I am blinded by…

Most of all I just feel like a fool when I just follow my feelings, my instinct… when I don’t think but act. But at the end its all worth it I think we learn, we hurt, we give our self… we risk it all.

We are just fools… I am just a fool in…

We are all scared

Love, interest and desire, we all go through life looking for those things. Some look for it early in life while others look for fun before figuring things out, but at night… at the end no one wants to be alone.

In our life quest of finding that person who will make us laugh, who will make us smile in our cloudy days, who will make us closer to happiness, we face deception, disappointment… we face loss. We risk it all for the chance to gain it all. During these moments when our hearts get broken we wonder whats the point of it all… every time we loose hope, we loose faith. We build walls around our hearts to protect it and we stop being vulnerable, we get scared of risking the remaining pieces of our heart so we stop playing the game of love.

But isn’t it that the best part? The journey, the quest… In the process of getting hurt we learn so much as we loose it all. Like the saying “practice makes perfect” and “what doesn’t kill us make us stronger”. Isn’t that the best part, knowing how you get hurt and not hurting back, learning how to give it all in order to receive it all. We can’t expect to receive and never give back… as love is a perfect circle, a perfect balance between two imperfect persons… two very scare persons.

Is there a time when you should just give up? Sit down and wait? Or should we keep fighting and trying, looking for that glimpse of hope and not letting go?

When you meet someone who is more scare than vulnerable, who is more enclose than free… how much can you do to show your true self, how much can you do to break those walls?

In this world of love we build walls to protect our hearts and we forget what it felt like to surrender in the name of love, to try for the name of love. In this world we are scared… as no one wants to get hurt.

But I wont give up!

I will break those walls.

Fate, Destiny or decision making?

Life is a wonderful and mysterious thing

We travel, we live and actions take place…

And we wonder if the events in our life are set on stone, if we are destined for something or if we just took the right or wrong decisions in our life.

Is there such thing as two paths or are we set to have both options but will always take the same path?

Sometimes in life I feel that we are destined for something, like life is guiding us to a greater purpose or just to achieve our dreams, then again this comes from an overly positive person who never stop fighting for what he wants… maybe I am biased. Over this past months I was convinced I wanted to do a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology and a post-doc in Neuropsychology. I applied to 10 schools of clinical psychology, 2 called me for interview and only 1 accepted me. The thing is that the only one that accepted me was in my homeland, a place I love but I wouldn’t want to keep studying here. Then an opportunity aroused, I wrote to a program wondering if they had any research opportunities and they wrote me saying that if I was able to complete the process of application over a weekend they would consider me (this after 2 months that the deadline had passed). A couple of days after the weekend I receive a call informing me I was accepted to participate in a neuroscience summer program, that’s when I knew I had to go there, this opportunity was for me the chance to change my life. I was there for 2 month and I learned I was enjoying what I was doing, at the end of the program they offered me the opportunity to stay for a whole year taking classes and doing research, of course I accepted the offer!

I will be there for a year, this rise my chances to get into that grad school in the neuropsychology program with the studies payed, and already had a year done with the classes I will take. If I go with clinical the program wont support me nor credit the classes I will take. I wonder is this the path for me (neuro) or should I go back to my original plan of clinical? I am still planing on applying to both neuro and clinical, but what if life makes the decision for me? or what if it makes me choose? Should I stay in neuro or go back to clinical? Of course this year will be one of self discovery and learning, where I will know if I do like neuro but then again how do I know I didn’t prefer clinical?

Something tells me I am on the right path to achieving my goal, but I wonder if this is the feeling of someone who felt lost and was found by this opportunity first… This is going to be some year.

Gets me thinking if this was the work of fate or just life.

Expiration Date for you and me

Over the years, our life we cross path with people we consider acquaintances, friends and more.

Have you ever stop to think of an expiration date to those relationships?

When you know there is nothing stopping time and that the paths you now walk together might break apart.

 

We go through life making friends and meeting people, we share information, secrets… our life. Some relationships are of need, of love, chemistry, compatibility and other stuff people talk about. There is the time we make those great friends, the ones we can anticipate their movements and what they are about to say. But even those have an expiration date. There are many reasons like graduations, jobs, moving and other stuff. Still we say we will never be apart, that distance will not make a difference. Then there is the unusual visit where you feel you are with a complete stranger, changed by time and space, and you were not there to see the person change, why the change. We try to make friends of a life time, those we would like to believe will always be there, and we even try to lie to ourselves when the time is near for a change or for a departure.

Is it possible to keep in touch? to be always the same?

And we always wonder if there is such a thing as a relationship without an end.

But how do we find that friendship, that relationship with no experitaion date?